argh!!!!!

I need to stop this nonsense of mine it's driving me insane.

I kinda think I'm right about it this time cos there's so much that fits but I just want it clarified that I'm wrong and that I'm just being silly because it's being thought about over and over and over again and it's gotten stuck in my head that "this is the only way it can be".

One part of me says I'm 100% right about it this time, my subconscience tells me to wake the hell up and realize it's a whole lot of nonsense and that I'm as wrong as someone can possibly be.

I really hope I'm wrong.

Anyway, on the good side, I'm watching Indiana Jones tonight. It looks good. According to critics it's not really that great but I tend not to listen to film critics because I know what I like and what I won't like. Most of the time when a critic says a film is bad it's usually the kind of film I adore.

I just wish I'd stop worrying about things. I really need things confirmed.

lack of sleep

Well, lack of proper sleep anyway. Been having nightmares again. Same type as yesterday. I dreamt the same friend was angry with me but he hadn't rang me up this time but it was over txt messages and it was just awful. I don't know why I keep having them, I haven't done anything to him. I know they're just dreams but they're so vivid and it scares the hell out of me.

Not sure what I'm gonna do

8 days to go

Had the very last lesson today, which was psychology. Wasn't much of a lesson either. Started at 13.00 and ended at 13.15. Absolutely useless. We had a classmeeting as well regarding graduation details and planning and so on. It doesn't honestly feel as if it's 8 days left, it just feels really weird.

I was at a dinner with the class last night at this restaurant in town called Golden Dragon. Had deep fried kings prawns and they were yummy, but oh so stuffed I was afterwards. Don't know how the hell I managed to have an ice cream afterwards.

I had such a nightmare last night. I dreamt a friend rang me up and was so pissed off with me and when I was trying to explain things to him I couldn't because there was a third person on the line so he couldn't hear what I was saying. He hung up on me and I sent him txt after txt and rang him and rang him but he would not reply. I was so upset when I woke up but then I realized if was just a dream.

It so wasn't nice.

It's offically settled that I'm visiting Ida-Sofia in finland this summer. Going to be there between 12/6 - 26/6 meaning just about two weeks. It's gonna be really nice, been a long time since we last saw each other. More than two years I think.

I've no lessons or anything until next week. I'm just being lazy by the computer most of the time. I don't know really, it just feels really odd. I've been looking at university aparmtents today. They're not overly expensive and I really hope I get accepted somewhere. Otherwise I'd be upset.

Anyway, don't really know what else to say, I'm gonna go try and do something useful

Perelli's Eurovision Fiasco

18th place. EIGHTEENTH!!!

My god we were awful. We got ONE twelve pointer and not even from the scandinavian countries. The newspapers are all over it today and then our person who gave away the points Björn Gustavsson, embarrassed himself by almost giving 12 points to us, which wouldn't have been so bad.

oh well, that's just life i guess

and it IS Just a competition, no matter how embarrassing it might be

I was voting for Latvia. I loved those pirates

everything is fine

bunch of overreacting from my side

everything's fine, today's been great and oh so very comfortable. Apart from that Spanish test which I'm never gonna mention again, except for when I get it back which would be on monday. Today's gonna be spent by the pc, doing some writing, daydreaming, loads and loads of it, and watch a disney film or something.

And have chocolate. Bought a 200g bar ^^ yumness.

I'm in a good mood today. ^^

Things seem to be working out at last

psychology sessions

I swear the rants me and Katy have with each other about boys, etc are starting to seem more and more like psychology sessions to me. Which ain't THAT bad, don't worry we DO actually talk about other stuff as well. It's just that mostly it's about boys.

You should've seen that email I sent to her after she logged off. It was a page and a half long and I could've gone on for another page. Mind you, it was mostly me being tired and saying loads of nonsense actually but I did get some helpful replies.

I do still feel sorta guilty,

hope today'll be fun.

fuck, I'm stupid

I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm daft, I'm an idiot, I'm an ass, I'm completely out of it. I mentioned I'm stupid didn't I?

I feel guilty, I feel so, completely absolutely, foolishly and extremely guilty.

I'm not even sure I've done anything wrong.

Maybe I have? I can't quite tell.

My stomach's all aching because of it. I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight.

Wonder how tomorrow'll turn out to be.

God I'm so stupd.